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prayer and charity, which Our Lord insistently makes me
understand that he requires of me. In St Gertrude I found a
model for myself, if the Lord grants me the grace to imitate
her.

FOURTH MEDITATION

On the bodily pains of Hell (continued)

In this Meditation I understood how severely God
punishes all the senses in hell. However, what frightened me
most, and what wounded my heart most of all was the thought
that if I ended up in hell I would be forced to curse, blaspheme
and hate God. The beloved Jesus who, I know, is worthy of
love, that Name that brings comfort to my heart, that Name
that brings hope, that Name in whom lies all my exultant joy, I
would have to curse it! ... That would be the saddest thing of
all. In this Meditation I felt pity for those souls who never think
of hell, and yet will end up in it because of their sins. I also
understood my own stupidity that makes me do so little to
avoid hell.

Resolutions: To let my pride be crushed underfoot by
all, since it could lead to my damnation; I should also guard
against any lack of fervour, because my damnation could start
from there.

I did this Meditation in church, on my knees, for about ¾
of an hour. I had very few distractions; I was moved by a few
points.

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