Page 13 - SPIRITUAL EXERCISES 1828
P. 13

What a remorse for my conscience to think that I could have
            so  easily  saved  my  soul,  to  consider  how  many  means  the
            Lord  had  provided  not  only  to  save  myself  but  also  to  strive
            towards holiness, and that I had used it all so badly! What an
            extra hell that would be for me, Jesus my love, if I had to end
            up in there! It would certainly be a thousand times greater than
            that  of  all  the  damned,  considering  that  I  have  received  so
            many graces.
            My God, how many times I have been deserving of hell, and I
            should be there to burn for ever with the damned had not your
            infinite merciful love, in its excess of goodness, waited for me
            to repent. For charity’s sake, Jesus my love, do not permit that
            I should offend you any more and so deserve Hell.


                  Resolutions: To be determined to avoid hell whatever it
            may  cost  me,  and  so  do  all  that  I  can  to  shun  even  the
            smallest sin, today, in particular, so that I may not put myself in
            danger of going to hell.
                  I sat down for this Meditation and so I spent on it a little
            more than an hour as I had all the time I wanted. I had few
            distractions, and experienced fear of hell. In spite of this, after
            my prayer, or rather before I ended it, I had a thought of pride.
            This vice is truly the worst torment of my soul, and if I do end
            up in hell, it will be due to my tremendous pride.

                  SECOND MEDITATION. On the small number of the elect. I
            have  experienced  much  fear  at  the  thought  of  how  few  the

            saved will be, and that this truth is confirmed both by words


                                       - 34 -
   8   9   10   11   12   13   14   15   16   17   18